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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

So I asked around today

I found a couple people who have said when they have anovulatory cycles, like mine was, they were told to mark CD 1 as the first day of red flow.  By that, anything red that was more than just a spot.  So I looked back over my notes, there was one day that I had some red, but not much more than previous days and I didn't have much after that.  So since my doctor has said it looks like I did have a period, I figure that would be the day if at all.  My temperatures also go down after that day.  So that's the logical choice in my mind.  It still puts me at a 53 day cycle.  So now I'm on CD 19, and I'm waiting.  I'm interested to see if my temps rise in the next few days.  But realistically, going by previous cycles, it could be any time in the next two weeks.  So I guess I just have to wait and see. 

I'm still weighing my options on seeing the specialist and all that.  My husband has advised me that he is not going until August.  Funny, I take it into consideration, but if I decide we need to go sooner, he'll go.  I'm thinking maybe I'll wait until June.  Give us about 5 months, see how my cycles go.  I'm taking Vitex, so that will also give me a chance to see if it's working or not. 

Monday, January 25, 2010

I finally got news

My doctor called me tonight.  She confirmed that nothing was wrong on the ultrasound.  So no cysts, no issues with my uterus or anything, as far as they can tell.  Which is good.  So I asked if she could tell whether I had a period or not, like whether I should expect it soon.  She told me the lining of the uterus is very thin, like it would be before ovulation has started. So she said that leads her to believe that the 18 days of spotting I had recently was a period.  Not a regular one, but that it most likely was the only thing I was going to get.  So technically I'm on a new cycle.  But there's no way to tell if I'm going to ovulate or not.  So I'm charting my BBT, and just watching it to see if I get a temp rise.  My doctor basically said she'd recommend I go to a fertility specialist.  But because I'm younger than 30, she wouldn't push the issue.  That if my husband and I decided to wait and see what happens, she doesn't think it will be detrimental.  So I have to talk with him about whether we want to go, or just hold out. 

I'm having a battle between my emotions and my logical side.  My emotional side says to just go to the specialist and see what they say.  They could help me get pregnant sooner, and that's what I want.  But my logical side is telling me I'd be upset if I went and they said something like they didn't feel comfortable doing any treatments because we haven't been trying for a year yet.  Not only that, but that we haven't been trying a year.  We could get pregnant on our own, then we wouldn't put out the money for it. 

I've also decided that I don't think I have the ability to be in a friends wedding right now.  It's in September, so we're getting ready to start planning the parties and such.  I've been so emotional and distracted these last two months.  I don't know if my husband and I are going to go through fertility treatments, but if we do, I don't know how much our insurance covers.  And the dress she has chosen for us would not work if I do become pregnant before her wedding.  It's very fitted.  And it kills me, but I just don't think I can do it.  It's a pretty big commitment to be in a wedding, especially her's because she's like a sister to me.  I really want to be there for her.  I don't want to be sitting there having a pity party for myself, when all I want, and all I should be is happy for her.  It's her special day and I really don't want to dampen it.  I can barely hold myself together half the time right now.  With everything going on, I feel like I can't focus on anything else.  And to make it worse, I feel selfish for feeling this way.  I feel like I should be able to just push past this and be there for her.  And that makes me feel worse.  I think I'm going to think about this for another day or so before I say anything to her.  I really don't want to make a decision in haste and regret it later.

Another Monday

I did not receive word over the weekend about my ultrasound results.  I know everything is normal, so I wasn't expecting anything.  But it would have been nice.  Now I'm sitting here trying really hard to hold out, give my doctor a chance to call me today before I call and bug them again.  I'm trying really hard to wait, see if I get a phone call today, and if I don't hear by like noon tomorrow to call them again.  It's just so hard to just sit here and not call.  I keep reaching for my phone then telling myself that I have more willpower than this.  Not to mention I'm super emotional for some reason today.  IF sucks.

Friday, January 22, 2010

No word does not always mean good news...

Well, it looks like I'm going to go the whole weekend before I hear back from my doctor about the ultrasound.  I called today, they said they had the results.  The nurse who answered the phone said she would send a message to the doctor saying I had called inquiring.  But no call and since it's 8pm, I'm going to assume I'm not getting one.  I doubt my doc would call over the weekend.  So now I wait.  I know nothing is wrong, as far as what they could see on the ultrasound, but that doesn't explain why it's been 68 days since my last period.  So here's hoping that I don't go crazy this weekend and I get word on Monday. 

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Ultrasound, Done

I had the ultrasound today.  The tech told me she couldn't see anything unusual.  Everything looked "normal."  I don't know what that means as far as our next step.  But she did say she could tell I don't have any cyst right now, and I haven't had any recently.  So that was a relief.  I'm supposed to hear something from my doctor this week.  They told me at the clinic that they usually have the results to the doctor within 24-48 hours.  So if I don't hear anything by Friday, I'll be calling my doctor's office to make sure they received the results.  I really don't know what they are going to tell me is next.  I do know what I'm hoping for though. I'm hoping the 18 days of spotting I had recently would be my body "resetting" itself and hopefully I'll ovulate sometime soon and then I'll have a regular period.  I really don't want to have the D&C.  I know it's supposed to help, and it'll be better, and a lot of women have better cycles after it, but it's surgery and it scares me.  The last time I had any kind of procedure like this done, I was like 6 years old.  It just scares me and I'm hoping it doesn't come to that, but if it does, I'll just have to get over it I guess.

Ultrasound in a few hours

And now I'm getting nervous.  I shouldn't be.  It's just an ultrasound.  I'm just kinda hoping I get some answers, and at the same time, I'm scared of what the answer will be.  I'm kinda curious as to what they are going to tell me when I'm there, and how long it'll take for my doc to get the results.  So my appt is at 1 pm today.  And my work isn't even that busy today, so I don't even have anything to keep my mind from just going to the worst possible outcomes...  So dumb, just can't help it.  Gotta start drinking my 32 ounces of water in about an hour.  :(

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Holy Temp Drop

Yep, got up this morning with a pretty significant temp drop (.3 degrees).  And my temps have been going down for about a week. I felt ok until this afternoon. I started feeling dizzy, then around dinner time, I had some nausea.  Then about two hours ago, I've been having cramps and I've been running to the bathroom every half hour.  Which could mean AF is coming soon, or it could be side effects of the Vitex.  I started taking it about a week ago.  I know that's too early to really see results as far as period regulation, but I figure it's probably not too late if I'm just going to get some side effects.  But I'm not so sure now if I'm hoping for a period, or if I'm hoping it'll hold off until after this ultrasound on Tuesday.  I don't know which would give me more answers.  Guess I'll just have to wait and see, because Lord knows I have no control over this stuff.... LOL

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Well, a little update

I talked to my doctor yesterday. When I had gone to see her about a month ago, she wanted me to get a Pelvic Ultrasound after my period. So since this is two weeks after Provera with no period, I wanted to see if I should just schedule the ultrasound. She said yes. Then she said depending on the result, she may decide that I need a D&C. I froze. I didn't realize they did that procedure unless there was a miscarriage. But after some searching, I found that it's something that women with PCOS or other issues can need to have done. Not that knowing any of that makes it any easier to hear that I may need one. So I made an appointment and just tried to not focus on the D&C part. Maybe I'll be ok, they'll tell me the spotting I had for 18 days was a "period" and eventually here I'll ovulate and have a regular period. I just don't know what to hope for. But at least I have some sort of an answer sometime this next week. She said if I didn't hear from her office by Friday, to call them and see if they had the results. And since I live an hour away from my doc, she said she'd be ok just talking over the phone to tell me what the next step is. Which I appreciate. So now I'm just waiting until Tuesday when I go to get this ultrasound done....

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Why is it

That when your having issues getting pregnant, all you hear about is pregnant women and babies. In the last 20 minutes, I just got 5 updates from different people I used to know who are pregnant now or just had a baby. So I'm sitting here trying to figure out when I'm going to get my next period, then praying I ovulate... and if I don't, praying I get another period relatively quickly so I may be able to start clomid or something.... I'm feeling really sorry for myself and really pathetic right now. I don't think I'd be so hopeless if I had any idea of what is going on with my body right now. Seriously why can't I just get answers? If I at least knew when I was going to get my period, or when I was going to ovulate, I'd feel better. But this is almost two weeks off of Megestrol with no period, so I guess I'm failing the progestin challenge....

Soooo... Today is Day 60

That's right, Day 60 without a period. November 16th was the last time I had one. It seems like it has really been forever. I was spotting for about 18 days, and it seems to have finally stopped today. I called my doctor two days ago to ask some questions, but I haven't received a phone call back. Then today, I have some signs that I may be ovulating. Fertile CM. I'm a little puzzled... but I'm going to take OPK's for a few days, see if I end up with a positive. I just don't know what to do. I have an appt with the doc in 27 days. Hopefully by then I'll of had a period or something. So that I'm not going back to her with the same issue, that I'm just having a long cycle. I think I've made up my mind about the fertility clinic. I'm going to request the referral. I think I'll get answers a little faster, just because it's what they do all the time.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

I was hopeful.

I started my day off hopeful that this cycle may have finally been over. I had a pretty significant temp drop today. Usually the day my temp dips, I get my period. Not today, just more spotting. But I'm still hoping that tomorrow or the next day maybe. As long as my temps don't go back up. I just really want this cycle to be over so I can start focusing on OPK's and all that. Just get on to the next phase.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Today was bad.

So I've been so tired lately that it's been really affecting my being a functional member of society. But even though I'm this tired during the day, I can't sleep at night. I know it's because I'm stressed out. So I called my gyno today because I'm supposed to make a follow-up appt for 6-8 weeks after my last one. Figured I'd give my self a snowball's chance in hell of getting one cycle done before I see her again, and shot for 8 weeks. Then I decided to ask the girl how long it should take for me to get my period after stopping the meds the doc gave me the last time I was there. She said she'd have to research and get back to me. When she called me back a few hours later, she said that basically, I could get a period anytime after I stopped taking it, but I probably wouldn't get one "this month." I told her I haven't had one in almost two months and that's why the doc put me on this medicine. She said the doctor told her if not soon, it'll most likely be in 2-4 weeks. Well, that just great. I got off the phone with her and immediately started crying. If I had known this wasn't definitely going to give me a period, I wouldn't have taken it. I don't like the idea of taking hormones if I'm not going to get the desired outcome. Plus the fact that I had all these extra hormones in my system didn't help as I was trying to stop myself from crying.

So now that I've had some time to calm myself, and I've completely broken down to my husband, I'm starting to wonder about a bunch of things. When should I start OPK's? If it would be worth it to even try them right now. Then I started thinking that maybe I should take a HPT.

I stopped temping for a while at the request of my gyno, then realized the fertility clinic she will send me to next month if all is not better, states on their website they depend on things like BBT charting. So I wasn't charting for about two weeks, and whose to say in that two weeks that my temp didn't spike and I didn't ovulate? My husband and I had sex during that time, so maybe I'm pregant. And the only reason I say that is because my temps dipped a little, about .2 degrees over 3 days, then went back up a little. I couldn't temp this morning for stupid reasons, but I think if my temp is elevated tomorrow, I may just take a HPT. Just to be sure. I'd hate to sit here and stress and worry if there's no reason to.

I started taking Vitex or Chasteberry supplement today too. A friend had told me it has been used as a natural way to regulate reproductive health. So we'll see. Like any natural way to do anything, it takes time, so I guess this will be an experiment that will take a few months.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Still Waiting

Well, I'm three days off this Megestrol pill, and I still have no period. From the research I've done, people say it takes about 3 days. So I really hope this cycle starts tomorrow. I just really want to be able to start a new cycle... 53 days is just too long.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Man am I glad...

That I am finally done these meds! I feel so drained. Like it was PMS x10! I haven't been able to sleep while I was on this stuff either. So I was getting only a few hours each night. I think I've had a coffee IV hooked up to me for like three days now. I'm hoping tonight I'll be able to finally get some sleep. So I guess now is the waiting... From what I've been told from message boards is that it'll take a few days for me to get my period now. Hopefully it's soon. I just want to be able to move to the next cycle and try again.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

The Background

So I guess I should start by saying this is a blog about trying to conceive, and my (and my husband's) journey through it. I know there are a lot of these out there, and really this is just for me to get things off my chest.

My husband and I started trying in July of this year. I know the statistics of how long it can take for a couple to "fall" pregnant, as they say. Which I think that phrase is the most annoying I've ever heard. Since I am only in my twenties, it should be about a year before we start looking into medical interventions.

I recently decided to visit my gyno because I was having some long cycles... 35 days plus. By cycles I mean from Day 1 of my period to the day before I start my next one. I was more concerned there may be something medically wrong with me that I needed to address. Come to find out, I'm having anovulatory cycles (or at least this last one has been). So I've been told to try a few things to help out.

First I need to lose weight... and not just a few pounds, but ideally 44 lbs. I do not look overweight (I admit, I've always been described as thick), I do not feel overweight. But apparently I am. This is something that can really have negative effects on your cycle. So I've started working out and dieting. I use Weight Watchers and have had pretty good success with it in the past. I'm already 4 lbs down, so I'm hopeful I'll be able to keep that going.

Second, I need to start using OPK's (Ovulation Predictor Kits) starting on day 14 of my cycle and continuing until I get a positive. From the research I've done, you're supposed to test twice a day, between 10 am and 8 pm, reduce fluid intake for a few hours before you test, and you are supposed to try to hold off going to the bathroom for those few hours before you test. I pretty much have to go to the bathroom every hour or so even if I reduce my fluid intake... This is not going to be fun.

Third I was recently put on Megestrol. The best way I can describe it is it's like a synthetic progesterone. Basically I have to take it for 7 days (6 of which have passed) and then it will jumpstart my period. Since I didn't ovulate, my body didn't produce the horomones needed to trigger a period. So Tuesday should be the start of my next cycle. I'm really hoping I can get a positive OPK. I've used them in the past and I've never gotten a positive test. They are a little tedious.

The good thing that came out of my gyno's visit, she told me she would be comfortable helping get a jumpstart on going to a fertility specialist if I chose to do so. The most likely path this will take, if I'm not ovulating in the next few cycles and I lose weight, is using Clomid. After that, I don't know. So as it stands now, I'm going to try to lose weight, use the OPK's and make another appointment with my gyno in 5 weeks to check progress. I'm hoping I can get my weight down by at least 10 lbs in that time. So another 6 lbs to go.

I know this one was long, but now that's the background. Hopefully from here on out, it will be all good news, and shorter posts.