My weight loss journey

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Sunday, February 28, 2010

Cannot believe it!

So I tested on Friday morning and I got a +HPT!!!  I'm so excited!  I woke up and decided I did want to test... I caved, I have no will power!  So I went to the bathroom and tested, went back to my room to change into my clothes for they day and when I went back into the bathroom, my phone was ringing.  Hubby was on his way home.  I picked up the test as I answered the phone (cuz I was sure it was a negative!).  I rushed Hubby off the phone, said I'd see him when he got home.  Ran downstairs, posted a pic on the WTE message boards asking if others could see the line.  It was very faint, but it was there!  It didn't really hit me on Friday, but I didn't get a bit of work done.  So I took another test this morning, I needed to see the line darker.  It was.  When I went back to bed after that, I told Hubby and he said he didn't know how to do this Dad thing.  I told him it's trial by fire, and I'm sure he'll be great. 

We went out and ran errands and I was sooo tired, but I had to run out again.  Hubby was playing video games and I couldn't sit here and watch for a few hours.  So I went to Burlington Coat Factory and looked for some clothes.  I found these two bibs, they are absolutely adorable!  What are the odds that in the end of February I'd find 2 Thanksgiving bibs?  Really!  They both have turkeys on them, one says "Gobble gobble goes the turkey" and the other say "Turkey Day!".  I figured Hubby and I can use them when we tell our parents.  Figured it would be really cute.  Then, I got to the register, they were 50 cents a piece! What a deal!!!  Can't pass it up!  I also got Hubby a book, The Everything Father-to-Be Book.  I'm hoping Hubby will read it and pay attention to it.  It goes into details about what to expect in different parts of the pregnancy and labor and delivery and all.  He seemed excited to get it, so it looks promising.  :)  I'm dying to tell our parents, but I think we're going to wait until after I get an ultrasound done.  We're hoping the end of March.  I have an appt with my midwife's nurse on 3/10.  So I only have 10 days till that, which at this point feels like a lifetime away. 

How I Told Hubby

So when Hubby got here, I ran upstairs, got the little gift I have had since October, and put it on the table where he usually sits.  He sits down and I told him I got him a present for putting up with me being so horrible to him the other day.  He opens it and just looks at it.  He says, "Aw that's cute."  It was a onesie that has a Ravens (his fav team) emblem on it.  I told him since we're going to be bringing a baby home in November, I figured it was fitting.  He just sat there looking at me for a minute.  Then I could just see the joy on his face.  I don't think I'll ever forget how he looked right then. 

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I know, I know, two posts in one day

So I'm grappling with myself.  I'm thinking I need to wait to test... like wait past Friday.  I don't know if I'm going to be able to hold out though!  I think I'm going to try to wait until Monday... that way I can get through my weekend, have fun (hopefully not worrying about the results...)  I just really don't want to set my weekend up for me to be in a crappy mood if I get a BFN...  I mean, I know if I got a BFP I'd be really happy all weekend (and possibly give it away).  But after doing some more research, I don't think it really makes sense to test before Monday.  I guess I'll see how bad it is.  I'm really going to try to hold out though!  Going to change my countdown now so I don't get tempted!

Bloat bloat and more bloat

I have a feeling it will just get worse, the closer I get to AF.  I figured if I changed my diet around, and really watched what I ate and all it would help.. at least it hasn't yet!  I hate AF.  I'm still pretty sure that's what is coming, not a BFP.  I'm a little discouraged with my chart right now.  My temps haven't gone up any more.  I would figure with more progesterone in your system the BBT would go up.  But it hasn't.  It's kinda leveled off.  As long as it's above my coverline of 97.59 I'm still in the game, I just don't feel it.  But then again, I felt like I was in other cycles and I wasn't.  So who knows.  Hubby seems to be pretty sure I am.  Hope he's right, but not holding my breath. 

On the good side, I'm going to play some Volleyball tonight! Love it.  I live for Volleyball.  Makes me very happy. 

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

A better day

So yesterday was not good.  I was tired, cranky and didn't feel like dealing with anyone.  Today, is better.  I'm still cranky, not quite as tired... But the little things still bugged me more than they should.  Lovely right?  So the new symptom of today is hot flashes... I've been constantly hot, then cold, then burning up, then cold.  I can't shake it.  But it doesn't feel like I'm getting sick, I just notice that even climbing the stairs, I'm not winded or anything, but I'm almost sweating by the time I'm done.  Really weird.  Actually all the things I was feeling before weren't as bad today, the bloating, cramping and all that fun stuff.  I guess I'll know in a few days if AF will be here.  I'm at 7 DPO now, only 7 to go.  Since Hubby and I are going to go out on Friday I think I'm going to wait to test until Friday moning, that way if it's negative, I know I can have a margarita!  We're going to a good mexican restaurant just up the street from our house.  Good stuff! 

The main bad thing that happened today, Puppers had to go outside about an hour before I was supposed to temp... so I ended up just taking my temp early.  97.77..... but it is above my coverline and they do say that the BBT will go up by about .2 an hour, which puts me right back where my temps have been most of the week anyway.  I did notice something weird last night... I had a few veins on my chest that were more noticeable than before.  People say that's a good sign of a +HPT soon, but I'm not putting any stake in it right now.  Like I said, I've been having these hot flashes (is the easiest thing to call them) and the way your body cools you down faster is by moving veins and blood vessels closer to the surface of your skin.  So who knows.  Guess we'll find out on Friday.

Oh, and Hubby said he's pretty sure I'm pregnant and doesn't know why I'm still temping, testing or anything else.  Boys are so dumb sometimes.  He doesn't want me to test until like March 10.  Not gonna happen.  I'm going to test Friday morning. LOL

Monday, February 22, 2010

What is up with today?!

I feel like I could smack anyone who says anything to me.  I woke up, I was ok...  Then I started getting crampy and bloated... Then my shoulder started hurting (I think I slept on it wrong).  Then I started getting nausea (cuz I didn't eat when I took my vitex this morning).  So now I feel like crap, and I'm sleep deprived after the drama this weekend.  And I can't count any of these things as possibly early symptoms.  And on top of all that, whenever Hubby asks me what is wrong, I tell him and he says, "It's because you're pregnant."  He's beeing saying that for 6 days... I could smack him the next time he says it.  And I hate to admit it right now, he can't do anything right.  And it's not that it's literally not right, I'm just in such a piss poor mood that it doesn't matter what he does.  I'm tired, uncomfortable and that makes me pissy.  I don't know any other way to say it.  It's so weird, because these things just keep adding up, but I refuse to get excited because I'm scared I'll just get another negative.  So why bother?  I just don't have the energy this month... and every new pimple I find (seriously a pimple on the curved part of my ear? and my face I feel like I'm going through puberty again!), or new bout of bloating and cramping, I just get more angry at the world. LOL.  I'm trying really hard not to be mad at Hubby and trying to get out of this really angry rutt I'm in... It's not working so far.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

I tested this morning

I know, my counter says I have another 4+ days.  The only reason I tested today was because I was going to have a girls afternoon with some friends and there was going to be wine involved.  So if I was pregnant, I didn't want to have more than one glass.  Obviously at 5DPO, it was negative. 

So now I'm going to wait until Friday morning to test now.  Unless I get some really crazy symptom between now and then that has to be pregnancy related... and it will really have to be something convincing... Like not being able to keep food down. LOL

I was very sleep deprived last night, so I'm trying to figure out if that will effect my chart.  I did get the minimum amount of sleep recommended before you temp.  I'm just curious if my BBT would have been higher if I had gotten more sleep.  I know that's normally not the case, but just trying to find out. 

Saturday, February 20, 2010

So another Saturday

I don't know why, but I started my day pretty good, it just went emotionally went downhill somehow.  I don't even know what triggered it really.  I got up early, cuddled with my puppers, which is always a good start to a day.  I went to the grocery store, got stuff to make my favorite soup.  I came home and made it.  Ate it, very very good.  Gotta love old fashion Chicken Noodle Soup from scratch!  For some reason, by the time I was done that bowl, I just felt crappy.  I was tired and irritable.  It didn't seem to matter what Hubby said, it ticked me off.  And all he was talking about doing was stuff like the dishes and all... Like things I would have been doing by myself, but he was offering to help.  And for some reason it didn't anger me, but I was irritated by it... Really weird. 

My temps dipped this morning... still well above coverline.  Let's hope it goes back up tomorrow.

So now I've dropped him off at a bar for a friend's Bachelor party and I'm back home, with my puppers watching Good Luck Chuck.  Gotta love Tivo.  No commercials!  I have to stay awake long enough to get that drunken phone call from Hubby saying to come get him.  Ah the things I'll do to make sure he gets home OK. LOL.  And I've decided this place could not be in a more shady part of town!  I get that this place is supposed to have really good food, and it's really fitting for the guy who's getting married (and Irish Pub), but really, I was scared of getting carjacked on my way downtown!  So I'm not looking forward to driving back down there after midnight to go get him!

But on the upside, my sis, cousin and a friend of theirs are going to come out tomorrow for a girls afternoon.  I'm really excited about it!  I never get girls day out!  We're going to a local vineyard for a fondue & wine tasting.  I'm going to test tomorrow morning.  I know it's way too early, but I'm one of those people that drink till it's pink, since I don't binge drink anyway.  So if it's negative, I'll let myself have 2 or 3 glasses of wine, if it's positive, only one.  I know it's a contraversial subject, but after all the reading I've done, I don't think one glass of wine will have any adverse effects.. Plus I'm definitely not ready to tell people if we get a +.  Even though I know it won't happen.  :)

I work from home and DH work's 3rds, good for TTC, bad for having any resemblence of a social life!  But off to finish watching my movie...

Friday, February 19, 2010

So far, so good

My temps went up again.  By another .5, which is good!  Today I am getting very gassy and constipated... but it's way too early for symptoms, so all that means is I ate really crappy the last couple days.  LOL

So just for fun I got a psychic reading.  I heard about this woman on the WTE boards, and figured I'd try it cuz it would be cute and funny.  I don't put any stock into it, unless it comes true, then I'll re-evaluate my opinion. Haha!  She told me:

Your reading reveals that a conception takes place the month of June 2010. As your cycles tend to be longer than the usual 28-31 days it is difficult to determine the month this cycle begins - likely the end of May to beginning of June - but the conception definitely is referred to the month of June. The baby shows as a girl and her EDD/birth date is referenced the month of March 2011 - specific reference to the 10th and 17th (so BFP may come in July).

So according to this, I can scrap this cycle and just keep on trying! LOL.  I do have to say it would be freaking awesome if I ended up conceiving when she said.  Quite frankly, being that I celebrate my Irish heritage each St. Patty's day with my cousin, I think it would be cool and fitting if my child was born on that day!  But I don't want to wait that long for a BFP, so I hope she's wrong.  I would rather have my little "butterball" (as my dear friend called it the other day) cooking for the next few months, as I'd be due around November 7.  Plus my brother's bday is at the end of October and that would be really cool too!  But back to Earth, and not getting my hopes up.  I refuse to.  And I'm really going to try to hold strong this time and not test until Friday or Saturday.  Granted, those are still early, but what do you expect from a POAS addict?

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Let the headtrip begin!

So with one more high temp tomorrow, it will confirm ovulation for CD 40, or 2/16.  I'm a little concerned about ovulating that late.  I've heard that there's a higher rate of miscarriage when a woman ovulates that late, but then there are a bunch of women that have posted on different message boards saying they've had wonderful pregnancies with no issues for the baby.  We had good timing this cycle, I would have liked a little better, but I'll take what I got. 

So now on to the headtrip... So I'm about 2 DPO (days past ovulation), and I'm already going, "Darn my boobs are sore."  Or "Man those cramps are weird."  LOL!  It's way too early for all that mess and I know it!  But it doesn't stop it from running through my head everytime!  And to make it worse, it doesn't stop me from thinking every time I go to use the bathroom that the HPT's I have aren't that expensive... I can just take a test.  I keep stopping myself saying, "No you moron, Nobody gets a positive at 2 DPO!"  So I'm really trying to hold out until next Friday, 2/26, to test.  I have the FRER test, which claims you can test 6 days before you miss a period, but I'm not thinking that I'll get an accurate result.  I may cave though.  I'm such a mess!  I literally have to stop myself everyday.  I'm such a POAS-aholic!  It's not good for my psyche or wallet!  I seriously think TTC can make a complete maniac out of anyone!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

I got my temp shift

Here we go, I'm in the TWW!  Not officially according to FF but with a temp shift this morning of .6, I think it's safe to say.  I'm just really hoping my temps keep going up, and not come down!  So I think the first day I can test on is next Thursday.  It's really early, but I have those First Response Early Response tests... so I think I'm going to test on Friday morning... Then hope that no matter what the answer is we can keep our mouths shut over the weekend.  We're going to lunch with friends, then I'm meeting with a friend to hang out for a bit, and Hubby is supposed to spend some time with his family.  If I get a positive I may have to not tell him until after this weekend so he keeps his mouth shut!  We'll see!

Monday, February 15, 2010

Another day, another + OPK

I'm really happy I got another one!  Just means I'm going to ovulate, gives me even more time to have better timing!  I need to run out today and get a new battery for my thermometer though so I can confirm everything.... I'm scared it's going dead. 

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Wow... That's all I have to say!

I ovulated... Or am ovulating, or am about to... Either way, I got a positive OPK!  I've never gotten one before! I had to take a picture.  Called Hubby into the bathroom to make sure I wasn't seeing things... He said, "The one line is darker than the other.  So.  Geez.  What does that mean?"  My immediate response, "It means pants off!"  LOL.  Hubby didn't like that as much... But he listened!  Guess I have to quit my bitchin for a while huh?  LOL

Valentines day...

So here we are on Valentine's Day.  It doesn't help that I hate this holiday and Hubby loves it.  Not to mention the only thing I can keep thinking of is this gut feeling I have that we should really go to this fertility clinic sooner than August, but I can't say anything today cuz it'll probably ruin Valentines day.  And really I don't know how to bring it up without a starting a fight.  He's on edge, since he's been out of work for a week with the storms we had.  So I'm not really sure what I'm going to do.  I thought maybe I had ovulated, since my temps went up by .4 like they were supposed to, but it wasn't sustained... so since my temp went back down, FF says I didn't ovulate yet... but I've been having a sort of stabbing pain (not painful, just enough that I can feel it) on my left side.  So I guess that's what people have described to me as O pains in the past.  Who knows.  God knows I don't.

Friday, February 12, 2010

What to think...

I can't decide what I'm feeling right now.  I had pains all day today, I guess you would call them O pains.  I've never known if I had them.  I've had these pains before, but never realized if they happened around O time, or what.  So I'm curious.  I noticed my temp went up a little this morning, but going up by .25 doesn't mean anything anymore.  I want to be excited, since I had watery CM yesterday and a little today, and I've had these pains.  Plus my chest has been sore... But everytime I've had these things in the past, it has been nothing... no ovulation, no AF, no BFP... just nothing.  So I don't know what to think.  I want to be excited but at the same time I dont' want to be let down again.  Unfortunately I know I'll be disappointed.  And I hate feeling this way, that it's just kinda hopeless... but unfortunately, if I make myself feel this way, I won't really be disappointed when it doesn't happen.  :( 

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Snow a plenty!

Oh my Gosh.... we have recently been clobbered with about 4 ft of snow.  I'm suffering from severe cabin fever, so I know everyone else is much worse.  Unfortunately since I work from home, I'm accustomed to being stuck in the house, but at least when the weather is ok, I have the choice of leaving.  It's been a week.  Today is an entire week that I haven't been able to leave the house.  Really, I left for about a half hour the other day, but I don't count it because going to the grocery store in between two noreasters with a bunch of crazy people, doesn't quite qualify as getting out to me. 

Not only that, but when I'm snowed in I have nothing better to do really than think about the fact that I'm not ovulating.  I really think I'm going to tell Hubby that we're going to the fertility clinic soon.  Like if I don't ovulater or have a period by the end of the month.  That'll put me at CD 52 without ovulation/period.  And that's only if I consider that smallest bit of red spotting you can imagine, as a period.  If I don't count that, the end of the month, February 28th will be 105 days without a period, and definitely not pregnant.  I'm also really glad that I went out and wasted $40 on ovulation predictor kits at the request of my doctor.  She told me she wanted me to stop temping, start using OPK's and monitoring other fertility signs.  So I stopped temping and waited for a period, only to find out nobody could tell me if I really had one.  So I was late to start the OPK's and I've used most of them since I'm testing twice a day like I was told.  I haven't even gotten a line at all in the test line... every single one shows up as a control line and that's it.  It's so frustrating.  I've debated about using Vitamin C to start a period, but I'm leary about it.  Not only that but I can't get out of my driveway to get to the store to get some anyway.  I just hate that I feel like I have nothing I can do.  Like I can try to induce a period, but I've taken an actual medication that is supposed to induce a period and it didn't work, so I'm not too optimistic about it.  I think I'd feel different if it was I was ovulating, we're just not having good timing, or even if we had good timing but I just wasn't getting pregnant.  It's really draining to sit here and know it isn't going to happen because this cycle is just like the last one, and I'm not ovulating.  I'm really starting to think a + OPK doesn't exist... it's like bigfoot... you hear about it, but there's no concrete proof... For me anyway.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Well, I was hopeful that I had ovulated... Until February 5th.  Temps were on the up side, kept going up, then they tanked... they they went up, then they tanked again.  I just feel helpless.  It so frustrating when you can't even tell if you ovulate.  Not only that, our timing was really good for Feb 1st!  GRRRR!!!

If it wasn't so expensive, I'd look into a fertility monitor.  Just to see what's going on.  I may look into it.  Who knows.  Either way, I have to wait until whenever my body decides to have a period to start using it anyway.  Apparently my timing sucks with OPK's cuz I can't get a positive to save my life.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Now the Waiting game

And no I'm not even talking about the two week wait.  I am waiting to see if I'm going to ovulate.  It looks like I haven't yet... And I looked at my last chart, my temps did the same thing, the up and down really rocky look.  So I'm not so sure I'm going to ovulate on my own, again. 

And my husband has decided he's not going to the fertility specialist until August.  Then in the same breath said he knows we're going to go whenever I wanted to.  So now I'm torn.  Part of me is saying to go and just have the initial visit, talk to them and see what they say.  But then the other part of me is saying I know hubby will not be happy about going, and what if they tell me something I really don't want to hear.  I think I'm going to call our insurance company today, see what they'll cover.  See if they have stipulations on when they'll pay.