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Saturday, May 29, 2010

Still No O

Day 23, still no ovulation.  I keep feeling like it's going to happen any day now.  But I've felt that way for a week.  I'm actually really tired of temping and using OPK's. 

I spent today shopping with friends.  It was fun.  We spent some time in the Carter's store (a baby clothing store).  And of course since it's a holiday weekend it seems like every person there had children with them (or they were pregnant).  I don't know why, it's just been getting to me more this month than it did last month.  I guess the shock has worn off and now it just sucks.  I was in the store and there was this little purple outfit... It said, "I'm Mommy's dream come true."  It took all I had not to cry when I read it. 

Tomorrow Hubby is playing cards with the guys, so I'm going to be here by myself.  Awesome, gotta love long days by yourself to do nothing but think.  So great.  Sorry, this blog has turned into a pity party.  I just feel really shitty.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Still waiting to O

Well, it's CD 17 now.  So after 9 days of OPK's, holding my pee for 4 or 5 hours at a time, I'm tired of it.  I'm ready to just say forget it, I'll temp and just deal with whatever happens.  Then in the very next breath, I'm running upstairs to take an OPK again.  I just want to be pregnant again, and I want it to go to full term.  I just feel like I have to do all these things now, or else I won't get pregnant.  I have to take OPK's like crazy, I have to temp religiously and chart it.  I mean, it took me 8 months of charting, figuring out OPK's and jumping DH so many times, I'm pretty sure he was tired of it. 

I'm just to the point that I'm angry.  Getting pregnant isn't supposed to take this long, and it's not supposed to be like this.  I guess it's just one of those things that you never think will happen to you.  Guess I was proved wrong.  And it sucks that I can't even tell my family.  And I'm sure my friends are tired of hearing about it.  I mean, they have their own issues.  And not only that, what is there to talk about?  I just feel shitty about the m/c.  I feel down.  I guess I'm just worried that if I tell people how I'm feeling, I'll get the response that I didn't react this strongly when the m/c happened, so why is it so hard now.  I just don't think people will understand.  Some days I'm fine, and getting pregnant is the furthest thing from my mind, but then there are days when it's all I can think of.  It takes everything I have to get through the day without breaking down and crying.  I guess it's just one of those things that takes time, but I seriously think the only thing that's going to make it any easier for me, is getting pregnant and carrying to term.  I would have been 16 weeks this Tuesday.  It just hurts. 

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Maybe it's right.

So a while back I got a reading from a "baby psychic."  You pay like $8 and you get a reading for when you'll get pregnant, what sex the baby will be and when you're due date is.  So here's the reading:

Your reading reveals that a conception takes place the month of June 2010. As your cycles tend to be longer than the usual 28-31 days it is difficult to determine the month this cycle begins - likely the end of May to beginning of June - but the conception definitely is referred to the month of June. The baby shows as a girl and her EDD/birth date is referenced the month of March 2011 - specific reference to the 10th and 17th (so BFP may come in July).

I was looking at it today, if I ovulate anytime after CD 33, it could be true.  That I would ovulate/conceive in June and EDD would be in March.  Maybe not the exact dates, since if I were to have an EDD of 03/10, I wouldn't ovulate until CD 42, which I really hope doesn't happen again.  The three times I've confirmed ovulation, it was CD 18, 24 and 40.  The longest one was my first pregnancy, my m/c.  I'm not sitting here pining over it, but I figure it would be kinda neat if it was true.  But to be completely honest, I'd take it if they were close!  :D 

Monday, May 17, 2010

CD 11

And now I wait.  I just sit here and wait for O... Don't really know what to do with myself. HA!

I am still looking for a vehicle though... I've decided on the GMC Terrain, but apparently there aren't too many in my area.  For something that is one of the best selling vehicles in my area, I sure as heck have never seen one out on the road.  I didn't even know they existed until I started researching crossovers with good fuel efficiency.... So I keep searching. 

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Interesting...

So today is CD 7... I couldn't temp this morning (although I didn't think it would be anything interesting) because I am at my parent's house... Hubby and I brought the truck up yesterday to be worked on.  I'm hoping it gets done today.  It stinks being stuck with no vehicle at my own house, it stinks even worse being stuck at my parents with no car.  I did just get word that they know what's wrong with it now, even though Hubby told them what was wrong with it when we dropped it off... But on the good news side, we found a vehicle we like at another dealership, so pretty much as soon as we get this truck back, we'll probably trade it.  I guess we still aren't sure.  I wasn't sure last night and Hubby was determined. Now that I'm ok with it, Hubby is leery of it.  We're a mess. 

Now to the interesting part... I have EWCM today.... It's CD 7 and I have EWCM.  I'm confused.. and to make it worse, like I said, I'm at my parents house... Hubby is at home... I have no OPK's and no way to go get any (and no way to take one without people knowing).  And I left my thermometer at home, not thinking I'd be here for a few days, so I can't even temp to find out.  So I'm just going to sit here and ponder the what if... mainly because if I do ovulate today or tomorrow, there will be no sex.  So this month it won't happen either... but if that is the case, on the good side, this cycle is at least going to be quick.  LOL, a 23 day cycle... that would be crazy!  I doubt that's it, but it would be funny (ironic funny, def not funny haha). 

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Here we go again...

So as you can tell from my ticker, I'm on CD 2.  AF showed.  I knew it would... I realized on Tuesday of this past week that I would have been starting my second trimester.... After that the whole week was nothing but crap.  My truck has been completely ridiculous, Hubby and I have decided to get a new one, so we have at least one reliable vehicle.  So now I'm dreading spending that much money.  Not to mention I've just felt crappy all week.  PMS to the extreme.  And now that I have my period, I just want to cry... all it is is a reminder that I'm not pregnant.  That I was pregnant and lost my baby.  MIL sent me a text yesterday (they don't know so it's just because I have a furbaby), it said something about being a prettiest mom and send to 10 other pretty moms you know.  I played it off because Hubby and I were out together... I said, "Didn't realize I was a mom." just joking around, but all I could think inside was, I would have been a mom.  I would have been 14 weeks pregnant on Mother's Day.  It just sucks all around. 

Monday, May 3, 2010

I'm so impatient

I took another HPT today...  Yep, 10dpo, BFN.  I have a few symptoms, like sore boobs, some cramping, stuff like that, which I never experienced as PMS before.  The only time I've had symptoms like this is when I was pregnant last time.  So I'm torn about how to feel.  I know it's still early, but I got a + last time by 10dpo.  So I've decided since I'm supposed to get AF on Thursday, if she doesn't show by then, I'll test first thing Friday morning.  I've got so much else going on this week that I can't focus on this right now. 

Hubby and I are debating about searching for a new truck or getting another used one, trying to figure out our finances, if we can really afford a new one, and all that fun stuff.  Then I just have work all week and the inlaws are coming down this weekend for a Mother's Day BBQ.  So I have to do the food for that.  There is just so much up in the air right now, and everything I need/want to get done is going to cost money... and the vehicle situation is more pressing than all the other projects, so everything is on hold until we figure out the vehicle. 

And to make it better, I'm in a pissy mood because I'm PMS'ing or whatever, and it seems like Hubby is too.  And that is no good for anyone.  Because I can be a bigger bitch and I don't care.... Excuse the language, but that's how I'm feeling this week.  I just don't care... I don't have the energy to care.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

The day from H-E-L-L

OMG, the only thing that could have made today worse would have been getting my period.  So I got up early, had already told myself if my temp went above 98, I'd take a test. I know, it's still really early and I have no will power... So BFN... Didn't get me too discouraged yet though, because like I said, still early.  So I had a lot of errands to run. No sleeping in today.  Got up, got going, made it to the bank, Walmart, the wholesale club.  I felt super productive!  It was only like 11:30, Hubby was still sleeping, I was going to surprise him with lunch, and then shit rolled down hill.  My truck would not start.  I've had this problem ever since I bought it in June '09.  It's been horrible.  So I call roadside assistance, and Hubby.  Hubby comes out, the roadside guy jumps my truck for me, it starts (this is after sitting there for an hour and a half waiting for him).   So Hubby goes home, I stopped to get lunch (drive-thru lunch, I'm not dumb enough to stop the truck now).  On the way back home, as soon as I hit the main road, my truck started jumping and seizing up.  Wonderful.  So I made it off the road and sat there for an hour waiting for a tow.  Hubby came out and figured out what was wrong (only after waiting so long for the tow).  So he gets the truck home.  Fiddles with it a little, and guess what?  He fixed what 17 certified mechanics couldn't.  He figured out what was wrong and now it starts... So he runs downtown in his car, comes back, goes to the grocery store for me, and when he comes out, his car won't start.  Awesome.  By the time we got him home, needless to say, we had a drink.  I think it was well deserved.  So if I'm not pregnant this cycle, we may not be trying for a while.. It looks like we have to replace both vehicles in the next week or so.  And now it's off to bed so I can get up and do all the stuff I couldn't get done today.   Awesome....