My weight loss journey

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Sunday, May 23, 2010

Still waiting to O

Well, it's CD 17 now.  So after 9 days of OPK's, holding my pee for 4 or 5 hours at a time, I'm tired of it.  I'm ready to just say forget it, I'll temp and just deal with whatever happens.  Then in the very next breath, I'm running upstairs to take an OPK again.  I just want to be pregnant again, and I want it to go to full term.  I just feel like I have to do all these things now, or else I won't get pregnant.  I have to take OPK's like crazy, I have to temp religiously and chart it.  I mean, it took me 8 months of charting, figuring out OPK's and jumping DH so many times, I'm pretty sure he was tired of it. 

I'm just to the point that I'm angry.  Getting pregnant isn't supposed to take this long, and it's not supposed to be like this.  I guess it's just one of those things that you never think will happen to you.  Guess I was proved wrong.  And it sucks that I can't even tell my family.  And I'm sure my friends are tired of hearing about it.  I mean, they have their own issues.  And not only that, what is there to talk about?  I just feel shitty about the m/c.  I feel down.  I guess I'm just worried that if I tell people how I'm feeling, I'll get the response that I didn't react this strongly when the m/c happened, so why is it so hard now.  I just don't think people will understand.  Some days I'm fine, and getting pregnant is the furthest thing from my mind, but then there are days when it's all I can think of.  It takes everything I have to get through the day without breaking down and crying.  I guess it's just one of those things that takes time, but I seriously think the only thing that's going to make it any easier for me, is getting pregnant and carrying to term.  I would have been 16 weeks this Tuesday.  It just hurts. 

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