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Monday, June 21, 2010

Huge Fight & A New Cycle

Hubby and I had it out.  Nothing that is break-up worthy, but a good, old-fashioned, get out all your frustration argument.  I was really depressed and moody last week.  The hormones were messing with my pretty bad.  I brought up something to Hubby about if we were going to the fertility clinic since it has been almost a full year since we started trying.  We were referred to a fertility specialist in December, but decided to hold off for financial reasons.  Well, when I brought it up, Hubby didn't like it.  Long story short, he thought the very first thing the fertility specialist would do is either IVF or IUI.  I had to explain to him that there were tests to be run and they'd want me to try different things first most likely.  I had to explain that clomid is usually the first course of treatment, not the shots and horrible hormones and such.

Hubby also revealed that he's scared about this whole being a father thing.  But the fears he has are completely normal.  I'd be worried if he didn't have them.  Like he's worried about if something happens to me after the baby is born (or during childbirth), or he's worried about what if something happens to him after I get pregnant.  So we hashed all that out, and I told him, you can't let your fear of that stop your life.  And he knows that.  I think he just feels better knowing I have those worries too, and I think he talked to a few friends that have kids, or their wives are pregnant now.  He also told me another fear, he knows it's completely irrational, but he can't stop thinking about it.  He thinks if he hadn't gone with me to the ultrasound, they would have told us everything was fine.  I had to remind him that if I had gone to that ultrasound by myself, I wouldn't of made it home.  He would of had to bring someone with him to come get me.  There's no way I would have been able to drive after hearing my baby was dead. 

But like I said, we hashed all that out, got it all out in the open, and we both feel better, I think.  And now we have a new cycle.  I have my yearly gyno appt on Thursday, and I'm going to ask if seeing a specialist is something they still think I should do, or even if they can give me the clomid and such (since I changed gyno's since last year).  My last gyno said I would be better going to a specialist, just because she didn't feel comfortable with knowing the dosage for clomid or even if that was the best option for us.  So I appreciated her honesty.  So I'll update again after the appt on Thursday when I hear what the Pro's think again.

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