I hate this time of my cycle. A few days before AF is scheduled, I always breakdown and take a HPT. So this morning's one (a Target brand one, said to be more reliable than internet test cheapies), was negative. So that, and the continual spotting which was a little heavier this morning, and the cramps that make me double over about every half hour, have convinced me I am not pregnant, that AF will be here right on time. But the confusion I have is the spotting. It's weird this time. I spot in the morning. I haven't had any at any other time during the day, for the last three days.
So I have my yearly gyno exam next Thursday. I'm going to talk with my midwife about what I can do. I think I've maxed out everything I can do here by myself without medical intervention. And Hubby has been adamant that we are not going to an RE until it has been 1 year from the m/c. I just feel really stuck. I have ovulated 5 or 6 times in 10 months. That's not good odds for me. Hubby just keeps saying this is a natural thing and we got pregnant once, we'll get pregnant again. I don't think he realizes how much of a toll this takes on me every month. And it wouldn't matter if I stopped temping, and using OPK's and everything else, I'd still be stressed, and it would still be this really shitty roller coaster ride that I just can't seem to get off of. I've spent almost the whole day today in tears or on the verge of bawling. I hate it.