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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Let the confusion continue

I hate this time of my cycle.  A few days before AF is scheduled, I always breakdown and take a HPT.  So this morning's one (a Target brand one, said to be more reliable than internet test cheapies), was negative.  So that, and the continual spotting which was a little heavier this morning, and the cramps that make me double over about every half hour, have convinced me I am not pregnant, that AF will be here right on time.  But the confusion I have is the spotting.  It's weird this time.  I spot in the morning.  I haven't had any at any other time during the day, for the last three days. 

So I have my yearly gyno exam next Thursday.  I'm going to talk with my midwife about what I can do.  I think I've maxed out everything I can do here by myself without medical intervention.  And Hubby has been adamant that we are not going to an RE until it has been 1 year from the m/c.  I just feel really stuck.  I have ovulated 5 or 6 times in 10 months.  That's not good odds for me.  Hubby just keeps saying this is a natural thing and we got pregnant once, we'll get pregnant again.  I don't think he realizes how much of a toll this takes on me every month.  And it wouldn't matter if I stopped temping, and using OPK's and everything else, I'd still be stressed, and it would still be this really shitty roller coaster ride that I just can't seem to get off of.  I've spent almost the whole day today in tears or on the verge of bawling.  I hate it. 

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