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Friday, June 25, 2010

News from the doc

So I went and saw my midwife, only for a yearly exam, but still, got more news.  I talked with her about whether I should go to a fertility clinic or not.  She basically said it comes down to how desperate I am.  I'm not really sure.  We talked about how much goes into using clomid and such as well.  I didn't realize there were more ultrasounds and monitoring and all that.  I'm not sure I can do it with my work schedule right now. 

I was just talking with Hubby about it and telling him I was thinking of going for a consultation in August.  That way I can get all the information, know what the options are.  I figure if I'm not pregnant by the end of September or October, I can go back and start the process.  But that also gives me about 13 weeks to lose more weight, get into shape and see if that helps my cycles.  I mean, if I can lose the weight and my cycles regulate, then I may not need clomid at all.  But when I tell Hubby about my plan (since in the last argument we had, he basically said he didn't care anymore, it's up to me), he says he still doesn't have an opinion.  Then he tells me about how he's starting to think maybe we should hold off (without saying that directly).  He was saying how he's working hard to get this new schedule so we can spend more time together and get more time to go on vacations and have a life again, then we're going to get pregnant and not be able to do those things.  So I asked him if he wanted to put it off.  At this point, I really wouldn't be that upset.  I don't know if it would be a horrible thing...

I mean, it's not like we'd start preventing, we just wouldn't be trying.  Then after I brought up putting off starting a family, he backpedals and says it's not really that he wants to wait.  He keeps saying, "It's not supposed to be like this.  It's supposed to be sex, two weeks later your pregnant and everything goes fine."  I don't know what else to do to get through to him that life doesn't always go like it's "supposed to" and you can't sit here and dwell on it.  I get his concern, I get that he's bummed about it.  But seriously? What are you supposed to do?  I can sit here and pout about the idea that I can't get pregnant, or I can do something about it.

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