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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

A different type of waiting

So now I'm waiting to ovulate, and waiting to go to the fertililty clinic.  I am hoping to ovulate before I go, since the day I go would be CD18.  And to be honest, if I have an early ovulation this month too, I'm going to be a lot more optimistic than I have been in the past.  I've been taking OPK's for 4 days now, just to make sure I don't miss it.  I just have a feeling it's going to be like last cycle, around day 19 or so.  My body will probably prove me wrong, since it likes doing that so much now, but we'll see.  I'm going to talk to the fertility clinic about what else I can do, mainly if they think a fertility monitor would be beneficial.  If they say they believe it would greatly improve my chances, then I may go get one.  The only reason I didn't do it this cycle is because I would have gotten it sometime after CD 5 and in order to use it, you have to start it before CD5.  So I just decided not this month.  Hubby doesn't know it yet, but I think I'm going to start seducing him about everyday until I confirm O. 

On a side note, it seems like everywhere I look, everything I read, every show I watch, has something to do with people who are pregnant, having a baby, or just had a baby.  It's driving me crazy!  It seems like it comes and goes in waves... I'm just noticing everything baby right now... and it doesn't help that I went shopping for friends, babyshower and 1st birthday, I get coupons/emails constantly for babies r' us now all the time... Not to mention everytime I search anything on the computer, google or ebay or amazon, brings up baby stuff, because they pull from the cookies on your computer.  Stupid Crap!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

CD 7 and counting...

So I got my period... this last week has been ridiculously busy.  Hubby got the new position and started the new shift.  It's weird for him to leave before I'm even off work.  It creates a few challenges.  Mainly, I don't want him leaving without eating something.  At least then I know he got one good meal instead of fast food or just a sandwich.  He doesn't eat when he comes home from work, so I feel like he only gets two meals a day when he's working, I'd like to make sure one is a good hearty meal.  So today has been spent making a bunch of meals that I can freeze, then just get out of the freezer the day before, thaw and cook.  Simple.  I found a bunch of crockpot meals too that I can do on those days.  I have 3 meals done, 2 are cooking now, then I have three more to make.  So I'll have about 8-10 meals (depending on how many servings I get out of these next recipes.  I've never made them before, so I'm trying to figure it out. 

I have an appt with the fertility clinic next Wednesday.  I asked Hubby to go with me, but I don't know if he will or not.  He's still in the thinking that we don't need to seek help until it's been a year since the miscarriage.  I sort of agree.  I just want to talk with someone, find out what the course of treatment would be and how much it would cost.  I mean, if they say I just need clomid, then I just want to know what would be involved in it.  I've heard it's a lot of ultrasounds and bloodtests on specific days, so they can monitor how it affects you.  And if the testing they have to do is going to take months, I almost feel like I'd like to start it in Nov/Dec, before my deductible for health insurance resets.  I'm kinda peeved... I really wanted to buy a fertility monitor, clearblue easy was the one I was looking at.  It says you have to start it before CD 5.  So I had the money, I was ready to go and get it on CD 3.  I just knew Hubby wouldn't be happy about it.  So I didn't go get it.  And now I'm confused about my cycle and when I should start taking OPKs.  Since the miscarriage, I've had three cycles.  The first was 37 days, the next was 41 days, and this last one was 31 days.  I kinda feel like all over the place, and I'm wondering if this cycle is going to be shorter, or the same as the last one.  So I think I'm going to start OPK's either tomorrow or Monday, just to be safe.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

No AF

Granted, today is only 12dpo, and I'm happy it hasn't happened yet.  12 days is too short of a luteal phase.  I have been spotting more though.  I broke down this morning and tested, negative.  And so negative there was no room for doubt.  Granted I didn't sleep much last night... and I don't know if that effects your test results, like maybe the body doesn't process everything as well if you don't sleep (I doubt it, but eh, I'm grasping at straws here).  So I'm pretty sure this isn't my month. Which also means my psychic reading was wrong.  It said I'd have a baby girl in March 2011... which means I'd be pregnant this cycle, since my EDD would be March 28th.  But, c'est la vie, eh? 

I'm going to make an appt on Monday with the fertility clinic.  I figure by then, I'll start my period.  So I'll know for sure I'm not pregnant.  I've been batting around the idea of getting a clearblue easy fertility monitor.  I'd love to be able to get an ovacue monitor, but they are very expensive, and it seems like nobody sells those things!  Obviously if I got an ovacue, I'd buy new probes, since they have an oral and a vaginal one.  But if I got a clearblue easy one, I can get it used, since it uses disposible strips, I'd just have to get new ones... Hubby isn't keen on it, just like he never is... I'm really trying not to go overboard, but for crying out loud, it's been over a year.  I'm done just waiting and seeing what happens.  Hopefully the next wait I'll have to do will be the 9 months to see my little baby. 

Friday, July 16, 2010

I didn't test.

My temp was only 97.52 this morning.  There's no point in wasting a test.  Not only that I've been spotting for a few days and today it was a little heavier.  I really wouldn't be surprised if I start my period today.  And at only 11dpo, that's not good.  Really it's not an ideal amount of time in the luteal phase.  I know there is a vitamin I can take to lengthen my luteal phase, but I think I'm going to wait until my period starts, then call and make a consultation with the fertility clinic. 

So I've decided I'll test tomorrow, IF...

my temp stays above 97.7.  If it's lower, I am not going to bother wasting a test, and I'm sure I'll get my period on Sunday or Monday.  But 11 DPO seems to be when my temp either goes up (when I got my BFP) or goes down (every other cycle I've had).  So I guess we'll see where my temp is tomorrow morning.  I'm using a target brand, so I think they have a pretty good rate at 2-3 days before your missed period.  I remember last cycle they were rated pretty good for early positives. 

And of course, I'm torturing myself this week watching baby week on Discovery Health.  I found out they actually film that NICU show where I am going to deliver... And I'm kinda happy, I picked that hospital because of their excellent NICU, just in case.  It's just kinda nice to see it's that good of a unit that the discovery channel picked them to be the focus of that show. 

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

All I have to do is make it to Friday Morning

I have decided I'm not testing until Friday morning at the earliest. I made a mistake in the last post, I'll be 11dpo, not 12. Not that big of a difference if you ask me. So Friday morning I'm going to take a test, but only if my temps go back up. At 4dpo, my temps went down, then way back up on 6dpo, and I was a little excited, then they just tanked again at 7dpo. And they've only gone down since. So I'm not really optimistic for this cycle. I say that every cycle. But I'm really not testing Friday morning if my temps don't go up. I feel weird. I'm not moody like I have been the last two cycles. Usually by now I have cramps too. But not this time. I'm kinda hoping my cycles are getting better. I ovulated on CD 19 this time, which is just amazing to me. The last time I ovulated that early was Oct 2009.


I'm actually scared to tell Hubby if we are pregnant. I almost don't want to tell him until after I'm 8 weeks. How horrible is that? And it's not because I think he'll be mad or anything. I know he'll be ecstatic. I just don't want to put him through the heartache if I have another m/c. I feel like I can't stop myself from knowing and dealing with it, but I can stop him from having to deal. I'm going to tell him obviously. It's just a thought that had actually crossed my mind a few times this week. Or maybe even don't tell him until after my first appt. I'm supposed to call my midwife immediately if I get a +HPT. Even though my last pregnancy was a blighted ovum, they don't want to take the chance that I have a progesterone deficiency or anything.

On the upside, Hubby got the transfer to the other department with the better schedule, and he was told this morning he starts on Monday! I'm so happy. I'm really hoping this means we get to see each other a little more. It's going to be hard on the days when we're both working, because he'll leave for work about an hour before I get off, then he'll be back bright and early, while I'm still sleeping. But it does mean that every two or three days, we get to spend 2 or 3 days together. So that is the definite bonus.

I'm trying to get our bedroom painted this weekend as well. It's this really cute color of purple/lavender right now, and it doesn't look like a grown-ups bedroom at all. So I'm going to paint it a dusty/grayish/blue color. I'm hoping it looks good. Is it bad I haven't bought the paint yet for one reason? If I'm pregnant I have to get the no VOC paint... LOL. It's so horrible. On a serious note, I do hate how for the last year+ my life has revolved completely around my cycles, if I could be pregnant, and waiting to find out. Like I've gone to weddings and haven't drank, I've not painted a room because I had to wait a few more days to see if I was pregnant... I'm just tired of it. I'm almost to the point of telling Hubby I'm done trying for a few months. Like going back to using condoms and really preventing pregnancy. With how prevalent infertility seems to be, I'm surprised there aren't more options available. Don't get me wrong, they've made huge strides with clomid, IVF, IUI, etc. But you mean to tell me the best and only way to confirm ovulation is by peeing on a stick or taking your temperature every morning? Really? We can put men on the moon but we can't come up with something a little less demoralizing for women to do to get pregnant?

Our neighborhood is having a yard sale this weekend. I went through all our stuff in the basement that we haven't unpacked since the move and have decided that almost all of it is going! So tomorrow I have to run to the store to get some price stickers for everything. Then Friday night I get to price everything. I'm hoping Hubby helps me out with some of it, even though he swears he won't. He doesn't want any part of it. Usually he says that but then he ends up helping. :)

Monday, July 12, 2010

A weekend full of running again

So we had a pretty busy weekend.  But it was good.  We had a dinner party with friends on Saturday night.  Then Sunday we went to the furniture store to look for a new bedroom set.  We found some that we like.  I guess now it's just a matter of finding the right mattress.  I love the tempurpedic mattresses.  Hubby is not so sold on them.  I think I may mention getting one off their website.  It's a little more, but at the same time, there's a 90 day trial period.  So if we decide we really don't like it after sleeping on it for a few weeks, we can take send it back.  I'm hoping Hubby gets some good sleep today, so he can sit and talk with me about it tonight.  If we can order it soon, we can have it by the end of next week.  Which would be very nice.  It means this weekend I would have to paint that bedroom and all.  With it being a two day weekend for Hubby, that would be really good, cuz he would be here, and conscious enough, to help me.

So I'm 7DPO and I have a different symptom than usual.  I"m getting the sore chest, cramping, bloated, just like I have been each cycle since the m/c.  But now I'm noticing since two or three days ago, lots and lots of creamy CM.  I've heard it can be a pregnancy symptom, but I'm trying not to get too excited or look too far into it.  I have 4 days left on a VIP trial I got for someone signing up for FF.  I have no idea of who, but if they read this, Thank you. LOL.  Basically I'm going to test on Friday morning.  I figure that's 12DPO and that'll be a pretty acurate result.  I'm pretty sure we aren't though.  And I say that everytime and it still doesn't stop me from getting excited in a few days.  So if I don't post again until Friday, it's because I'm trying not to drive myself crazy.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

3rd cycle past m/c, O'd on CD 19

And I am so happy about that!  I can't even really remember the last time I had a 33 day cycle... I think it was more than a year ago.  But I'm just happy I have one now.  I don't think it'll be our month though.  Since FF moved my O day from CD 18 to 19, we had sex on CD 16 and 19... I don't think that's all that good.  But I guess we'll see.  I'm not going to test until next Saturday at the earliest.  They'll be CD 31, or 12DPO.  If I get a negative there, I know it's really negative.  Not to mention I have enough going on right now to keep me busy and not really think about it.  I've been working out and I just started weight watchers again.  I don't know what's going on, but after the m/c I've been gaining weight, even though I've been watching what I eat, and working out more.  So I figure WW would give me that structure that worked for me in the past, and if I don't end up losing more weight, I will have a food diary that I can share with a doctor to find out what's going on. 

I also have an eye doctor appt this afternoon.  I talked with them the last time about getting vision correction surgery.  I'm hoping that if I'm not pregnant this cycle, I may be able to get it done in the next cycle.  Which means we wouldn't be able to try, depending on the timing of the surgery.  From what I understand, if I get a consultation done and get approved for it, I can have the surgery done as early as the Friday after the consult.  And since I can't wear my contacts for 2 weeks before the surgery date, I'm thinking I may stop wearing them, like today would be my last day.  Then that way, I'd be eligible for the surgery on July 30th.  So that would be on CD 12 of the new cycle, if I'm not pregnant this cycle.  Which from what I've been told, would mean as long as I didn't ovulate on CD 14-19, I'd be able to still try to get pregnant next cycle.  Even if I end up having to not TTC for next cycle, I think it would be worth it to get the vision correction done. I'm just hoping it's something we can afford to do.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

My temp went up...

So my temp went up this morning, and I'm pretty sure it'll stay up or go up a little more tomorrow morning.  Which means I missed the O window for the first time in 4 cycles.  By miss I mean I didn't get a +OPK.  If my temp keeps in the pattern that I just O'd, then I will have ovulated on CD 18 (which is a huge improvement from CD40).  And I seduced Hubby 2 days before O and one day after O... not the best odds, but better than no sex right?

Hubby had his interview this morning.  It went well, except one thing.  He was hoping to get the dayshift position that was open.  But they filled the position by transferring someone who was already in the department from Nights to Days.  So now there are two Nightshift positions open.  So if he gets the job, he will be on Nights still.  But he will have the 12 hour shifts, so at least he'll have more days off, so I may get to see him.  He actually called out of work tonight because he went out with friends to watch World Cup Soccer and is too tired.  *insert eye roll here*  Wish I could just call out of work because I wanted to do something fun... Everytime I do it, I get that little lecture from him.  He tells me it's different because I work from home.  I get it that working from home is a definite perk, but for crying out loud, it's still work!  LOL.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say I'm 2DPO, so I guess I'm officially in the TWW again...  Here we go with going crazy!

Monday, July 5, 2010

Cycle Day 19 and a possible O

First, just let me say it's been a bit since I posted, and this one is a long one! I still have to wait a few days to confirm, but I think today/yesterday I may have O'd.  I had some symptoms today, so I took an OPK, it was very dark, but not quite darker than the control line.  So I'm going to take another one tomorrow, depending on my temp.  If my temp goes up again, I pretty much know I O'd and pretty much missed it!  Which is odd for me.  I usually am a little more in tune with my body, just because I have to be with such irregular cycles.  But I did have tons of EWCM today.  So I'm really hoping that my temp stays low for a few more days... gives me some more time to suduce Hubby!  LOL. 

Speaking of Hubby, I'm sooo excited for him!  He has an interview to transfer departments within his company.  The transfer is lateral, so no pay increase or prestige, but a schedule that will mean I get to see him!  Currently he works thirds, and it is ridiculous.  Our days during the week pretty much follow this routine: He comes home as I am starting work, then he goes to sleep.  I get him up after I'm done work and dinner is made.  He eats dinner with me, hangs out for about an hour (if I'm lucky), then grabs a nap before work.  He leaves for work, I sit here alone for a few hours then go to bed.  So I literally see him for maybe 4 hours a day, if I'm lucky, and I sleep alone everynight.  If he gets this transfer, he'll most likely be on dayshift.  I cannot tell you how this will change our life!  Not only that, he'll be working 12 hour days, which means he'd work M, T, have off W, Th, then work F, Sat, Sun, then have off M, T, work W, Th, then have off F, Sat Sun.  Can I say how awesome it would be for him to have that many days off and be on day shift?  He'll be back in the land of the living!  No more grumpy Hubby because he's so tired all the time or because his sleep schedule is so off that even on his days off, he's awake at 3 am!  He tells me he's a shoe-in for the position (which he is the only one specifically trained for this position), so I'm just really hoping the end of the week brings good news!

The last few weeks have been BUSY!  I feel like I haven't stopped moving at all!  I joined a gym about three weeks ago, and I'm proud of myself, I've been going about 3 times a week since I joined.  I haven't lost any weight, and that irriatates me, but I've been going.  I think I really need to buckle down and watch my diet closer.  So that starts this week.  But outside of that, I've been revamping our yard.  After the miscarriage, I just had no desire to go out and work in the gardens anymore.  The weeds grew up and it was just horrible.  Not to mention after all that snow we had, a lot of my plants were just dead.  So today my in-laws came down and helped us pulled out a dead shrub in the front and replace it with some perrenials.  I love low maintenance flowers that come back every year!  So great!  I also put in some new edging and mulch along our walkway leading up to the house.  I figured if I make the house look better, maybe I'll feel better. 

I have a bunch of other stuff on my list of low-budget fix-ups.  I'm going to paint our Master Bedroom.  It's a lavendar/princess/little girl purple.  Don't get me wrong, I like purple, it's one of my favorite colors.  But in my bedroom, I want a more sophisticated look.  So I'm going to paint it a blue.  I'm just not sure if it's going to be a denim type blue (really rich and a little dark), or a steely/silvery blue (cornflower was my wedding color).  But I have to find a weekend when I can do the prep work and get it done.  I was hoping to do it this weekend, but it didn't happen.  Then there's the project of the front door.  I found out since our house is old, our door is not a standard size.  So to replace it, like I had originally planned, is going to mean ordering a custom door (which means $$$).  The plan has changed, and I'm just going to refinish the door we have.  Sand it down, new paint, new hardware, and I think it's going to look great.  Again, just have to find the time to work on it.