I feel like crap. Just in general. But to get the baby-making stuff out of the way first, since this has been irritating me more and more... I am on CD 14, with no idea if I ovulated already or if I'm going to ovulate soon. I had a bunch of signs, but couldn't get a positive OPK. And now I'm out of them, so I need to run out and get some more tomorrow. Yet another thing I need to do, but have no time to get it done.
I feel like I have no time for myself anymore, and even worse than that, I feel like I'm getting taken advantage of by a lot of people. For starters, Hubby and I had a fantasy football draft this past weekend. Have to admit, I'm not all that great at it, but I enjoy it, so I play. Hubby had another draft on Friday, then we had ours on Saturday. The plan was for him to help me clean and get food prep done before his Friday draft then afterwards he'd help me out some more. It turned into him going out to the draft, not getting back until 2am, then feeling like hell the next morning. So that left me to clean the whole house myself, and do all the food prep. I was soooo livid. Especially because he was just in a pissy mood on Saturday morning and just such a baby because he was hung over.
Then Saturday night we had the Ravens Game, which was a lot of fun. We had a good time. But we argued before we went, because Hubby was tired after his night of drinking and poker... and he didn't get to have some of the food I made because the guys grabbed it all before he could get to it. So he had to get a nap, and get the teams into the matrix so people could make changes and such before anyone got home. BLAH BLAH BLAH, whatever. Did not have the patience to sit there and listen to him bitch that he had fun but now he's tired.
Sunday we ended up going back home (to our home towns) and seeing our families for a bit. My mom and sister are supposed to walk in an Alzheimer's walk with me in October. We were planning a few different little things to do as fundraisers, and the more I try to talk to them about it, they keep telling me we have time. We have about a month. We're kinda in crunch time to get this stuff planned. It just annoys me. It's something that I feel very passionate about, but I hate that it seems like they aren't really taking it seriously. They were so gungho about it when they signed up, just two weeks ago. Now they just seem like if they don't raise a dime it wouldn't matter. It just makes me angry.
And I'll admit, I've been a royal biotch to Hubby lately. It's because my weekends are full for the next like 6 weeks, and none of it is for me. I'm going to be running to baby showers and wedding and such like that until the second weekend in October. I'm just not looking forward to it anymore. I feel like I've been running forever and haven't had any time to myself or to do anything for myself this whole summer. Hubby and I were supposed to get a 3 day vacation and that didn't happen. A few weeks ago, Hubby tells me he's going on a Man Weekend with the boys to the beach. It pissed me off to no end because I wanted to do that this summer and I couldn't get him to nail down a time we could go. Then when he finally wanted to plan something, every weekend was full of shit that we had already agreed to do. So we didn't get anything like that. Now he's all excited and talking about how much fun it's going to be. I just want to tell him to shut the hell up. I'm jealous. It's not that I don't want him to go, it's that I wish I was going to something like that and able to have fun. It does make me angry that he's going to get to go and have fun and have that release. I'm not going to get that at all this year. No vacations, no time away with friends, nothing.
I just feel like I'm busting my ass to do all this stuff, to clean the house, to make dinner every night before Hubby goes to work. I'm sacraficing all my time and energy to get these things done, and he gets to go out and have fun with friends and stuff, but then I hear about it the next day when he's hung over. It's not that he's mad at me, it's that his pissy and wants to whine and complain. It always ends in a fight because I don't want to hear it. I spent my night busting my hump to clean the house and make food. DO NOT bitch to me about how you're hung over and tired because you were out drinking and playing poker the night before. I don't have the patience. I haven't even had time to go to the gym like I want to. Then Hubby complains that I'm not going. Well if I had free time, I would. But with his schedule then on his days off he has plans every damn day, I can't go. He tells me, just tell me you want to go it's not a big deal. I don't want to have to tell him a week ahead of time that I want to go to the gym the following week. It should be a given that Hey, I have a lunch hour, I'm going to head to the gym and work out some frustrations. Or if I don't feel like going, I don't have to. I'm just mad about a lot right now, and when I tell Hubby, he gets mad at me. So he's allowed to be mad and vent, but I'm not. Cuz I'm supposed to just sit there and deal with it when he's pissy and bitchy, but when I do it, he's going to get mad at me more. I don't fucking care anymore. I just want to be mad and get it out.