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Sunday, October 17, 2010

Obvious with no posts yet

So without me posting with huge capital letters, it's easy to assume I got my period... which I did... today is CD 3.  Sucks.  I was really hoping last cycle was it.  But the good news, if my cycles stay consistant, like they have been for a few months, I'll ovulate around the first weekend in November, which would put my due date right around our 2 year anniversary.  So that would be kinda cool.  I don't really have anything else to report on... 

I really can't believe it's to what would have been my due date if I hadn't miscarried.  I'd be 37 weeks right now.  I don't even want to think about that day.  I'm going to be a wreck.  I'm really trying to not let myself get to that point.  I know most of my friends and Hubby are tired of hearing about it.  It's just something that takes over your thoughts.  I really feel like my life has been hijacked.  It's not like it affects everyday stuff, but everytime I see someone who's about ready to pop, I just can't help thinking I was supposed to be there.  Everytime I see baby clothes or nursery items, I can't help thinking how I should have been shopping for those things and getting all that ready by now.  Like I said, it's not everyday... but when it does happen, it makes me feel just like I did when they told me I was going to miscarry.  Like a bus just hit me all over again.  I get a variation of that feeling everytime I see a negative pregnancy test, or spotting a few days before my period.  I just never thought it would be like this.  And I wouldn't wish it on anyone... ever.

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