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Sunday, November 28, 2010

6 weeks... wow

I know everyone says that pregnancy should be savored because it goes so fast, but this just seems to be dragging! LOL. 

I have to call my midwife's office in the morning and confirm that they want me to go this week to have the ultrasound done.  I'll only be 6w2d on Tuesday when my appointment is.  I was told to make the appointment for my 8th week, but they (the receptionist) told me to make it for the week of December 2nd.  Tuesday was the only day I could really do it.  So I'm going to see if they just want me to go because I have it scheduled or if they want me to make it for next week or the week after sometime.  I'm really hoping they say just go.  I want to have it to maybe see what's going on.  I've heard a lot of people have been able to see and sometimes hear the heartbeat at 6w or a little more.  I'm just really hoping they tell me to go.  But at the same time, I don't want to go and them not be able to see anything, then have to spend a week worrying to see if everything is ok.  But the ultrasound place let me make the appointment too.  Last time the u/s place wouldn't let me make the appt until they thought they'd be able to see something viable.  Guess I'll find out first thing tomorrow morning!

Saturday, November 27, 2010

A few more days till u/s

I have just 3 more days until the ultrasound.  Hubby told me today that he doesn't want to go with me.  He's scared something will be wrong again if he goes.  I know how hard it will be for him, but it is just as hard for me.  I need him there with me.  I'm so excited to get this u/s done, and so nervous at the same time. 

I cannot believe how tired I have been.  It's been weird, I haven't really been sick, but I get very nauseous.  It's like the feeling where you feel like you're going to puke, but you just don't.  That's where I've been a few times now.  I'm not sure if it's really morning sickness or if it's a side effect from the meds.  Obviously I'm hoping it's the real deal.  Only have to wait a few more days to see.

We told Hubby's parents that we're expecting.  They were really excited for us.  So now the cat's out of the bag... My mom has posted it on her blog, so I'm sure it'll be all over facebook here soon.  Not that I really want it to be, but I'm sure it will.

Other than that, I stayed at my parents house for the last week or so.  From Tuesday to today.  I was trying to help out My mom.  I stayed with my dad so she could go to work.  She's worried about how to keep her job and take care of my dad.  We have an awesome support group of friends and family, so I'm sure we won't have a problem finding people who are willing to help.  So I told my mom that I'll have to work around my work schedule and my doctor's appts, but I'll be back up to help.  Dad has been having good days and bad days.  Since Hospice brought in a hospital bed and all, I think he has been sleeping better. 

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Bad week

As far as I know, everything is ok with the pregnancy. 

The thing that made this week bad, my dad went into the hospital on Tuesday.  He was vomitting and really dehydrated.  If you haven't read all my posts, my dad has end stange Pancreatic Cancer.  After about 24-36 hours of worrying and we got the results of his CT scan.  His liver is failing.  The cancer has progressed and because his liver is failing, they can't do chemo anymore.  So there is nothing more we can do but make him comfortable.  We had a hospice nurse come and talk with us.  I broke down crying and told my parents that I was pregnant.  They were both really happy.  But you could see it in my Dad's face after a minute that he realized he may not be here to see his grandbaby. 

But on the good side, he's coming home today.  I can't seem to stop crying.  It takes almost all my energy to keep my mind off of what's going on.  And now my pregnancy is completely bittersweet.  I'm so happy that I'm pregnant and we're starting our family.  But I really didn't want to have to tell my child about their grandfather.  I grew up that way, and I feel like I missed out knowing a wonderful man.  I know if my child doesn't get to meet my dad and remember him, they'll be robbed of the opportunity to know one of the most amazing men I've ever had in my life.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Week 5 Starts with a Bang

So I got my numbers back from my blood work today.  My HcG level was 204, which is within normal range for 4 weeks.  From what I've read online, it should be between 5-400.  My midwife did think my Progesterone levels were dangerously low though.  So I am now on 100mg of Prometrium (a synthetic progesterone) three times a day.  I have to be on this until 8 weeks, then I have to take it as a vaginal suppository.  I need to double check with them how many times a day I need to do that part.  The suppositories I'll have to do until 13 weeks.  So I'm on this regimen until at least January 11, 2011. 

Other than that, I feel ok.  I had some cramping and I've had some spotting, but nothing that I'm really worrying about.  Literally all brown spotting.  I haven't really had any nausea or anything.  I have been getting some pretty bad headaches though.  I had one yesterday and one today.  I think they are either sinus or caffeine related.  Neither is really good because I can't do much about them.  Sinus headache, I can use steam/humidifier... For the caffeine thing, I just have to deal with it while I try to lower my caffeine intake.  I can take Tylenol, but I don't want to take much if I can help it. 

I go for another blood test tomorrow.  Hopefully the results will be good.  I need my HcG to be at least 408 (hopefully it's more than that) and I am hoping my progesterone level at least doesn't drop.  I think I'm going to take 4 pills before my test tomorrow.  So I'm just hoping and praying that it all comes back at least ok. 

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Updates from the fourth week

So tomorrow I will be exactly 4w pregnant.  I am calling my midwife on Monday morning to get my confirmation bloodwork done too.  I feel pretty good about everything. 

I had a little spotting yesterday morning and it completely derailed me.  I was so distracted all day.  I was at the mall with some friends.  I know they think something's wrong with me.  I just couldn't focus on anything except if I was still spotting.  It was so hard too.  These two chicas have been around through everything.  I've known them both since elementary school and we really became friends in middle/high school.  So we're really close.  It took a lot of control not to just blurt out to them what was going on.  Especially after we ate lunch and the one friend said, "I think Anna has a food baby."  The only thing going through my head was, It's more than a food baby.... LOL.  I am going to tell one of them this weekend.  She was the one who was there when I had the miscarriage earlier this year. 

Once we get some confirmation, I'm hoping they'll schedule me for an early u/s.  I'm going to ask my midwife for one if they don't come out and say it.  I just think if I can get an u/s whenever they believe they'll be able to see a heartbeat, Hubby and I will feel a lot better. 

We're also going to tell our families on Thanksgiving.  I know hubby doesn't want to think about it yet, but it's been going through my mind since I got the +hpt.  I still have all the stuff upstairs, so I think we're just going to use that.  I have a Ravens onesie, a little wolf teething thing, a dallas bib and a few other things.  So I just need to think of how to give it to them, or if we're just going to come out and tell them.  Again, I'm thinking of this, Hubby refuses to so far.  I know I have like a week to get this stuff done too, so I'm not too concerned about it.  Just kinda looking for ideas. :D

Friday, November 12, 2010

12DPO and a BFP!

Yesterday was a good and bad day.  I was working and since there was no mail delivery for Veteran's Day, my work was slow and I was allowed to leave early.  So Hubby and I took advantage of the short day and went to dinner.  We went to this mexican restaurant that we love.  Their Taco Salad is sooooo good! Definitely not good for you at all, as the Salad part implies, but very good tasting!

We got home and Hubby went downtown to hang out with friends for the Ravens Game.  It's the first Thursday night game of the season.  I was sitting here snuggling with Puppers and I was in so much pain and just uncomfortable.  I decided I didn't care, my boobs had not hurt this much since February/March when I had my first pregnancy.  Then on top of that, my ear is killing me (not really exciting, just hurt and wasn't helping), then for some reason my hip felt like it was out of socket last night.  Again, nothing really exciting just annoying.

So I sent Hubby a text saying that I was going to bed, and that I was testing in the morning because of my boobs hurting so much. 

I tested this morning, and got a positive.  I got up, took the test, brushed my hair, brushed my teeth.  Looked at the test with kinda half sleepy eyes.  I've gotten a false positive before so I was a little skeptical.  Granted my false positive was on the internet cheapie strip tests.  This time I tested with a FRER.  I got a positive!  I walked back in the bedroom to get Hubby to look at the test too.  Make sure I wasn't seeing things.  It wasn't a super faint line, but it wasn't easily noticeable either.  He looked at it and confirmed that my eyes weren't just messing with me. 

So I'm obviously very happy, but still a little worried.  I mean, I think once I get a darker test, no spotting/bleeding and a few more weeks go by, I'll feel better.  I do really want to tell our families on Thanksgiving though.  I think it may help my family a lot... We've had enough bad news this year.  We need some good news. 

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

10 DPO and a high temp

Not that I have been temping at all for about 3 and a half months, but I know that usually by 10dpo, my temp is dropping a little.  This morning it was 98.11... which is higher than it usually is when I'm at the peak of the progesterone spike.  So I'm kinda optimistic.  Hubby is too.  I haven't seen any spotting yet either, so I'm going to take that as a good sign.  I guess I'm going to temp again tomorrow morning... Hopefully my temps stay up and I can test on Friday.  I'm really hoping I get some good news... I'm tired of shitty news. 

So two days and counting.

Monday, November 8, 2010

You've got to be kidding me

As if I need anymore bullshit in my life.... My dad is battling his second round with Pancreatic Cancer.  It's been hard on everyone and I feel guilty already that I live an hour away from home.  My sister texts me tonight to ask me if I can come home on Saturday to just have a family day and spend time with everyone.  I told her I had lunch plans that I couldn't cancel, but I will do what I have to so I can come up after that.  It would be late afternoon/early evening when I get up there.  She actuallys says back to me, "You shouldn't wait until he's sick to come home."  WTF?  Are you joking?  That is complete bullshit.  I've been up home at least 1-3 times each month to see my dad.  I'm doing what I can.  I call him all the time to ask how he is, I talk to my mom online every night.  I make dinners for them and take them up, so Mom doesn't have to cook.  She brought up that a few weeks ago my dad wanted to have a family meeting to talk with us about his wishes.  He's gotten to the point that he knows he's going to die in the next 5 years, barring a miracle.  So he wants to make sure we know exactly what he wants.  She says that I was the one who stopped the meeting from happening.  I told her I can't make it up there during the week.  I work until 6.  By the time I leave here it would be 6:30 or so and it's about an hour drive, depending on traffic.  So 7:30, the have a few hours talk, then I drive back down here... I'd be lucky to be home by 10.  It's not like they live 10 min away and I can just drop by.  I told them I could make it up there on Saturday, and I was told my sister and brother both had plans so it wouldn't work.  I still went up there and stayed for 2 or 3 hours with my mom.  Dad was asleep the whole time.  So after me telling my sis that I thought it was screwed up that she made that comment, she just went off at me saying if I could be there this weekend to let her know.  I'm just so frustrated.

It's like they are mad at me for moving further away.  It's not like I did it on purpose, it's not like I said, "I gotta get the fuck away from these people."  Hubby's job was 2 hours away from where we were living up home.  So we chose to move here, which was an hour from home and an hour from his job.  I don't know what exactly they expect of me.  I just want to scream sometimes with them.

And ya know, that's just what I need at 8DPO.... for my family to be so retarded that if I am pregnant, I don't even want to tell them, because they'll prolly say I'm being selfish by announcing something like that when my dad is so sick or something.  I'm just done.  Maybe I did move away on purpose, just unknowingly.  You know, subconsciously or whatever.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

And it's 4dpo

So now I'm 4dpo and just waiting.  This weekend Hubby and I are going up home to visit family for a bit.  Hubby is going to hang out with a friend in the afternoon, then we're probably going to play cards with my family.

Hubby was on day shift this week, granted it was only two days, but it was nice to have him on the same schedule as me.  It was neat to see how most normal couples live.  Plus the way our schedules matched up, I could get done work, then make dinner and he was home right about the time it was done.  It was definitely weird.  But good weird.  It also felt really good that all this week he's been actually sleeping at night.  Usually even on his days off, he's on a nightshift schedule, so he won't be able to fall asleep until like 4 or 5 am, then he sleeps until the early afternoon.  But now he has the whole weekend off too, so it's been a good week in the T household. 

Aside from that, my life is still occupied by trying to get pregnant.  I did however get introduced to a wife in Hubby's group of friends (I had met her a few times before, but we never really got a chance to talk), and she and her hubby have been trying for about 8 months now.  I could tell that she doesn't have anyone to talk to about the whole process because the minute she found out that we've been trying for so long, she just about broke down in tears.  She immediately asked me if I minded talking with her and all, basically being a confidant for her.  Neither of their families know, only a few friends know and nobody she knows has ever been through anything like this.  It's the same as my story.  So I made a new friend in this journey.  I actually need to get in touch with her and see if she wants to have lunch next weekend.... guess I better get on facebook! LOL. 

And on that note, I'm outta here!  Like I said, I'm just waiting.  It's too early to post on any symptoms or anything.  Although yesterday I got some boob sensitivity, and I remember just sitting here thinking to myself, "Really?.... Already?.... This is crap....."  LOL