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Monday, November 8, 2010

You've got to be kidding me

As if I need anymore bullshit in my life.... My dad is battling his second round with Pancreatic Cancer.  It's been hard on everyone and I feel guilty already that I live an hour away from home.  My sister texts me tonight to ask me if I can come home on Saturday to just have a family day and spend time with everyone.  I told her I had lunch plans that I couldn't cancel, but I will do what I have to so I can come up after that.  It would be late afternoon/early evening when I get up there.  She actuallys says back to me, "You shouldn't wait until he's sick to come home."  WTF?  Are you joking?  That is complete bullshit.  I've been up home at least 1-3 times each month to see my dad.  I'm doing what I can.  I call him all the time to ask how he is, I talk to my mom online every night.  I make dinners for them and take them up, so Mom doesn't have to cook.  She brought up that a few weeks ago my dad wanted to have a family meeting to talk with us about his wishes.  He's gotten to the point that he knows he's going to die in the next 5 years, barring a miracle.  So he wants to make sure we know exactly what he wants.  She says that I was the one who stopped the meeting from happening.  I told her I can't make it up there during the week.  I work until 6.  By the time I leave here it would be 6:30 or so and it's about an hour drive, depending on traffic.  So 7:30, the have a few hours talk, then I drive back down here... I'd be lucky to be home by 10.  It's not like they live 10 min away and I can just drop by.  I told them I could make it up there on Saturday, and I was told my sister and brother both had plans so it wouldn't work.  I still went up there and stayed for 2 or 3 hours with my mom.  Dad was asleep the whole time.  So after me telling my sis that I thought it was screwed up that she made that comment, she just went off at me saying if I could be there this weekend to let her know.  I'm just so frustrated.

It's like they are mad at me for moving further away.  It's not like I did it on purpose, it's not like I said, "I gotta get the fuck away from these people."  Hubby's job was 2 hours away from where we were living up home.  So we chose to move here, which was an hour from home and an hour from his job.  I don't know what exactly they expect of me.  I just want to scream sometimes with them.

And ya know, that's just what I need at 8DPO.... for my family to be so retarded that if I am pregnant, I don't even want to tell them, because they'll prolly say I'm being selfish by announcing something like that when my dad is so sick or something.  I'm just done.  Maybe I did move away on purpose, just unknowingly.  You know, subconsciously or whatever.

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